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'Pretty & Putrid' By Kitty Pandemic
ZWN special columnist
Posted: 8/25/13

Since the first known report of the Necro-Mortosis virus, everyone has been impacted in one way or another by the dead returning. Many have lost loved ones, have come dangerously close to the infected or have had to change their honeymoon plans. It’s been tough on all of us. The last instance is the worst! In fact, my husband and I were hit quite hard.

Our engagement began two weeks prior to the first report in Haiti in 2006. We planned to spend our honeymoon in the United Kingdom and decided we would celebrate our five-year anniversary on an African Safari. Such happy dreamers!! At least we were before the stupid apocalypse happened.

I’ve had enough of these hungry dead people ruining my plans. I’m ready for my vacation! Initially, flying anywhere was too risky and most international flights were grounded. We are now approaching our seventh anniversary and I CANNOT wait any longer. How does one rectify these problems of travel when people are still on high alert? Blend in, of course! I’m going to attempt a Shaun of the Dead style zombie crawl of London. First step: Makeup.

These are the goods I got from Wholesale Halloween Costumes. They are one of the only suppliers of heavily regulated zombie makeup since the outbreak

I may be the worst Undead Stylist in the world, as I have NEVER used costume makeup. The instructions were in jibber-jabber to me and I thought I was in over my head. Fortunately, everything was much easier than I thought!

So you can see how drastic the zombification is, we’ll start with a pic of me without makeup. I need to prove I’m not already a brain nibbler. Here ya go:


HA! Like I would really post a pic sans makeup. I’m sure when I really turn, I will still have mascara and lipstick on.

First, I used a little latex and adhered some nice “sharp” shards of glass. I wanted to look like I suffered.

Next, I used the “Stipple sponge” (that’s the weird black brillo pad looking thing in the first pic) to apply additional texture to my face. I don’t want to look too pretty!
Once I was satisfied I would look believably roughed up, I started to apply the zombie cream.
I have Sensitive skin so I didn’t apply any in the areas around my eyes. If I had an allergic reaction I wanted to still be able to wear eye makeup later. I still have my priorities. **Luckily, there was NO reaction. My skin was only dry after I washed my face.**
To create dark circles around my eyes, I used charcoal colored eyeshadow. I used a q-tip and added BLOOOOOOOOD, lots and LOTS of BLOOD! Actually, just enough blood around the wounds to make them look like they bled. The blood dries pretty fast but LOOKS wet. I like it. I used the stipple sponge again to dab the blood on the areas I had earlier applied latex to. Gave a scraped effect.
My husband decided to take my seat while I was applying blood. He’s a horror writer. I think he’s dreamy!
Hey Baby! Ever think about making out with a zombie?”

NOOO! What is wrong with you, woman?!”

“… WHAT?”

I don’t like being told no.
He shouldn’t of told me no.

Especially with what I’m willing to do for him. Anywho, the makeup worked out great! It was very easy to use, even for a novice like myself and I had NO skin irritation.
Thanks everyone! I’ll let you know how our honeymoon turns out when we get back. I’m so excited!!! A very special thanks to Wholesale Halloween Costumes for supporting our cause. I could tell through their laughter that they were overjoyed someone was finally willing to take the risk to live freely again.
BYE!! The latex does make it slightly harder to make a big grin. I don’t think zombies smile.

*** Since writing this article, both the editors at Zombie World News and Kitty’s very rugged husband have expressed the utter stupidity of her plan. It is important that no one tries to mimic her ridiculous proposal, as you will no doubt be shot on sight. The problem with looking like the infected is that you will be treated like the infected. Also, we would like to apologize to those offended by Kitty’s implication that losing a loved one to the Necro-Mortosis virus is less traumatic than missing a vacation. She is obviously bat-shit crazy. *

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Read what ZWN's regular contributor and zombie fashionists Kitty Pandemic has to say:

6 Reasons to hug a hobo

Honeymoon in the apocalypse

Fight Club

God save the ho's

Mosquitos suck

That's not your lover

Don't Lose Your Head

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