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|Israel Retaliates for Undead Suicide Bombings|
Israeli Defense Forces moved into the West Bank and Gaza Strip this
morning in the largest Israeli military operation since the Yom Kippur
War. The size and aggressiveness of the operation has surprised Mid-East
experts, who expected much smaller reprisal strikes against Palestinian
militants in response to the 12 Undead suicide
bomber attacks within Israel this week.
In a written statement released by the IDF:
“At 0100 GMT, IDF forces entered the Occupied Territories of the West Bank, and Gaza Strip. The attack consists of principally two heavy armor divisions split into five columns entering the Territories at points and times of our choosing, backed by three light infantry brigades, special forces units, elements of the Undead Defense Brigade, and all operational squadrons of the Air Force.
“The Operation Olah, meaning a sacrifice of atonement completely consumed by fire, will continue until a 2 kilometer wide defense perimeter is made along all Israel’s borders with the Occupied Territories. The defensive perimeter will be cleared of all construction, housing, and concealing vegetation, and will be backed by a 4 to 6 meter high defensive retaining wall.
“Only roads leading to well protected check points will not be destroyed. Anyone entering the defensive perimeter must enter from one of these roads, with their hands and arms outstretched over their heads, devoid of shirts, long pants, or other concealing clothing, will be regarded as enemy combatants and engaged on sight.
“We urge all civilians living within the defensive
perimeter to evacuate immediately to avoid forcible eviction from their
According to Israeli sources interviewed on condition
of anonymity, Israeli Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, only approved the
operation yesterday as calls for his resignation from the Knesset, for
being “too soft on terrorism,” grew into a threat of a ‘Vote
of No Confidence’ from members of his own political party.
|“The Israeli’s did not plan on facing the Undead,”|
Retired Major Wilber “Deadeye” Richards, special zombie and military expert attached to the ZWN news team said, “It seems the Palestinians might have some kind of poorly conceived plan to use zombies as a weapon.
“There has been a lot of talk about the Undead being used like this, kind of a poor man’s atom bomb or super soldier. But, anyone with any experience with zombies knows that’s just movie bulls***. You can’t contain or control these things in any kind of large numbers. You have to put them down… fast. All it takes is one scratch and you could lose an entire brigade in a few hours.
“Just look at it. Earlier today the Palestinians where shooting rockets into Israel and the IDF at about the rate of 50 and hour. Now, they’ve almost stopped. I don’t think they’re running out of missiles, just soldiers to fire them.”
White House comment:
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