The Root of All Evil –
the Necro-Mortosis Edition


Posted 4/25/08

Disclaimer: The following article is the sole opinion of Arthur Helms. ZWN and it's affiliates do not influence, endorse nor are accountable for Mr. Helms opinions. Bookmark and Share

Lewis Black, satirist (I feel the label “comic” a gross misrepresentation of Mr. Black’s art) and actor, has a new weekly television program entitled “The Root of All Evil”. The premise of the program is to pit two different things against each other via humor and social commentary as presented by two other comedic entertainers, each trying to convince Mr. Black the particular evil they represent is the greater. Mr. Black sits in judgment, listening to both sides until finally rendering a verdict as to which of the two is the greater “evil” of our age. With apologies to Mr. Black, I would like to borrow this formula for something I call “The Root of All Evil: Plague vs. Stupidity”. I will play the part of both evils while you, Dear Reader, will play the part of judge.

The Argument for the Plague


Your Honor, Necro-Mortosis is easily the greater of these evils and likely the greatest evil ever known by the human race. Not only does the virus itself kill with surprising speed and efficiency, what remains is an abomination of nature; a creature, clinically dead, that continues on with the sole purposes of feeding and spreading. It gives nothing back, completely consuming every human being it touches. The Plague has been responsible for deaths in the hundreds of thousands at least. It has destroyed cultures and economies. It has destabilized governments around the globe. It has placed huge economic burdens on many nations, even bankrupting smaller ones.


Its survivors rarely come away unscathed, either. Many that have made it through an outbreak were often forced to “re-kill” the infected bodies of friends and family. Parents forced to shoot or violently attack the reanimated bodies of their children, children forced to re-kill their parents. Lovers, friends, even enemies… the virus plays no favorites. It destroys without regard to age, class, race, creed or orientation. It leaves in its wake nothing but pain and memories enough to guarantee its survivors never sleep soundly through a single night for the rest of their lives.


The virus can be made into a form of elicit drug, the M-Bomb, that defies logic by steadily gaining popularity among club kids and ravers. It masquerades as a marketable commodity in the form of illegal “zombie hunting”, sport trophies and even curios. All of this can, and has had, the result of introducing the virus into locations where it would otherwise have never realistically taken hold in our enlightened and technologically-advanced world. The virus entices every idiot with dreams of playing “Dog the Bounty Hunter” into amateur undead hunts, placing them in harm’s way for no good reason. It makes supposedly intelligent, educated, professional journalists and news gathering agencies stoop to the level of tabloid journalism in the name of the people’s right to know, often tempting them into designing sensational, and incredibly dangerous, scenarios involving real reanimates staged so that their cameras can capture nothing more than visceral drama. This doesn’t even cover the temptations for terrorist organizations to weaponize the virus, something that has occurred in its crude, blunt form already. Can there be any doubt that the physically and psychologically destructive power of the virus has played its siren song to these agents of terror and zealotry already, urging them onward in their research to incorporate it into a truly devastating chemical weapon?


Your honor, in closing I respectfully submit to you; with so much evidence and data to support my position, you cannot possibly find that anything… anything… is a greater evil than Necro-Mortosis. It could very well be the death of us all.


The Argument for Stupidity


Your honor, everything my esteemed opponent has cited is completely, verifiably, 100% truth and fact. I will concede that his argument is well-crafted, researched and presented in a concise manner. However, I can prove without a doubt that Stupidity is the far greater evil. My argument is painfully clear, yet painfully simple;
As a nation, we were spinning our wheels in the bog of stupidity when the virus first appeared, attributing the “zombie” stories to overactive imaginations. It allowed us to let the plague take hold in “lesser off” nations, believing that such a thing could never harm the “first world”. It lulled us into thinking we could keep it confined to those areas of the world and to turn our heads when the opportunists among us found ways of making money from it. It has even pervaded into our youth culture, the ultimate “screw you, Pops” from the younger generation to the old, representing the very epitome of the rebel youth culture.


Your Honor, in closing I submit to you that the horrors of the plague could have been at the least greatly diminished and at best never went beyond its first few appearances were it not for our own, simple Stupidity. If it’s not stopped, and soon, it WILL be the death of us all.

And now, the Honorable Dear Reader, it’s time for your verdict. Which of these is truly the Root of All Evil?

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Arthur Helms is a syndicated columnist who has dealt with a host of social and political issues. His previous syndicated column, “Logic, Please?” offered commentary on a host of world-view issues as seen through the cold yet bright light of plain logic, demonstrated fact and simple common sense.

While the academic and political elite often dismissed his commentary as “too simplistic” for our complicated times, his books of collected columns and hundreds of national speaking engagements each year attest to his connection to a readership yearning for simple answers to complex issues. Helms recently ended his syndicated column to sign on exclusively with Zombie World News, providing a fresh, logical,
plain-English view of the plague and to bring some common sense to what many perceive to be a senseless situation.

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