The following article is the sole opinion of Arthur Helms. ZWN and it's
affiliates do not influence, endorse nor are accountable for Mr. Helms
Throughout modern history, the peoples of the
world have always fallen into one of four categories in the face of
plagues, natural disasters and national strife; the Panics, the Profiteers,
the Pretermits and the Prepared.
The Panics are comprised of those that have decided that running around
screaming nonsensically, blaming the plague on everything from radiation
to the hand of God or the emergence of the 12th Imam will in some way
aid their position or personal safety. The woman who reportedly feared
infection from possibly tainted baby formula to a degree that she felt
murder-suicide was the only answer is a perfect example of a true Panic.
The actions of the Templars of God and other reactionary groups of religious
zealots, doomsday seers and simple, backward-thinking people also fall
into this category. Their need to do something… anything…
in the face of the situation regardless of the worth of their actions
to the common or uncommon good overrides logical thought and the development
of practical solutions. These are by far the most dangerous of the P’s.
Their actions are based on little more than pure fear, dire speculation
or even, in the case of wild speculation on who to blame for the problem,
simple political or religious hatred. If you find yourself on the wrong
side of the plague, you’ll be far safer running towards zombies
if it means moving away from the Panics.
Then we have the Profiteers. Companies touting miracle vaccines and
preventive pills with no real proof of their effectiveness fall into
this category, right alongside those that risk infection (and carrying
it back to uninfected areas) and death by looting and raiding plague
areas left deserted by reanimation and/or military action. Store owners
that double and triple their prices on prized goods like lumber, weapons,
bottled water, canned food etc during senseless panic buying fall into
this category, as does that shifty fellow in New Mexico and others that
run “zombie farms” for the rich and sadistic to indulge
in their zombie hunting fantasies.
Profiteering in times of national and even global strife is a common
and often completely acceptable practice, often being considered as
a bedrock of capitalism. Many fortunes were made by the Carpetbaggers
of the post-Civil War southern states, and even the U.S. government
and private industries engaged in a form of it in the early years of
World War II with their “cash and carry” weapons sales to
our European friends before Japan decided to wake the sleeping giant.
If you find yourself in a plague situation, knowing a few Profiteers
can be a life saver so long as you remember to stash away some cash.
While they don’t fuel panic buying and spread dangerous misinformation,
the decided lack of knowledge and preparation quickly make the Pretermits
a burden to everyone around them should a true outbreak hit. Currently,
the bulk of Americans find themselves in this “P” class.
With so few real, documented occurrences of the walking dead in the
U.S. it can be difficult for most of the population to get too excited
about it all. Sure, Americans with loved ones serving overseas in the
military, attached to NATO forces and humanitarian agencies or even
traveling or living abroad may be more in-tune with the global happenings
related to Necro-Mortosis. But by and large, the typical American watches
the television news or checks out ZWN, looks out his window and, seeing
no zombies shambling down Main Street changes the channel to a Friends
episode he’s seen eight times this year. We Americans have this
uncanny ability to completely ignore all but the most sensational of
happenings when they’re not in our backyard. At least you don’t
have to worry about them the way you do the Panics or even the Profiteers.
If the plague hits the U.S., the Pretermits will rapidly disappear,
melding into the ranks of one of the other three P’s just as easily
as they could the ranks of the dead.
The final “P” are the Prepared. Paramilitary, private militia
groups, so-called “survivalists” and “mountain men”
and those with stocked emergency shelters fall into this category. This
doesn’t mean you have to squirrel away MRE’s and bury gallons
and gallons of gasoline in your backyard to belong to the Prepareds,
though. Keep in mind that the average zombie becomes rather ineffective
after two months and, except for extreme examples, won’t be functional
after three or four months. With today’s modern food preservation
technology, light and strong materials and new innovations brought about
specifically to combat, deter and survive the undead hordes, a family
of four could prepare themselves and their home against the first and
largest wave of an outbreak with only some effort and a little money.
Even if an outbreak never occurs in their town, the effort and money
spent surely won’t go to waste. Floods, hurricanes, tornados and
other natural disasters can kill you as easily as a zombie horde, and
I sleep better at night knowing I was able to fit enough dehydrated
food, spare batteries, a few properly chosen and secured weapons, basic
survival gear and medicines in a small corner in my basement.
The plague is far from over, and every indication is that it will get
worse in the world before it will get better. I pray the day never comes
where the U.S. experiences the outbreaks other nations have suffered.
However, I always pray with my eyes open. As for you dear reader, the
time has come for you to make your choice as to which “P”
you belong. I suggest you choose wisely though. If it ever comes down
to infection, the dead won’t give you four options to choose from.
Arthur Helms is a syndicated columnist who has dealt with a host of
social and political issues. His previous syndicated column, “Logic,
Please?” offered commentary on a host of world-view issues as
seen through the cold yet bright light of plain logic, demonstrated
fact and simple common sense.
the academic and political elite often dismissed his commentary as “too
simplistic” for our complicated times, his books of collected
columns and hundreds of national speaking engagements each year attest
to his connection to a readership yearning for simple answers to complex
issues. Helms recently ended his syndicated column to sign on exclusively
with Zombie World News, providing a fresh, logical,
plain-English view of the plague and to bring some common sense to what
many perceive to be a senseless situation.
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