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If you suspect anyone of showing sympoms of the 'Necro- Mortosis' Virus, the Government has released the following anonymous tip line.
1 800 155 3219
92 Year Old Woman Fends Off Zombie Attack
But for the last several weeks, 92 year old Mrs. Redditch, complained to police of a suspicious figure 'lurking in the brush'.
The mysterious person would wander alone every night. "He would groan a lot. Sometimes It was almost like he was trying to speak." Joyce told ZWN. "I used to shout to him that I had a gun and he needed to clear off my property. I thought he was drunk."
After more sightings of the stranger over several days, she called the police.
They came within the hour and did a rudimentary search. In the report files obtained exclusively by ZWN, it stated 'Nothing was found other than some footprints and several deposits of excrement. We requested a cadaver dog from Adelaide, but they did not have a unit available to loan. We have sent the excrement sample to foresics for identification into its composition. If it contains trace elements of necro-mortosis we will request a small quarantine of the surrounding area. The lab report is expected within 5-7 days. We will have a patrol make a call this evening to see if we can spot the suspect.''
It was also this evening when Joyce Redditch heard a load noise in her barn.
Joyce put on her thick coat, grabbed a flashlight and began to investigate. "I saw him. Bumping up to the barn door. Like a wind up toy. He just kept walking up to the side of the barn. I knew what he was as soon as I saw him up close. He looked dead. He smelled awful. He saw me too. It was too far for me to run back to the house. I panicked and ran into the barn."
"He followed me. I tried to shut the door on him but he opened it." 5'1" Joyce was confronted with a 5'10" 185lb man in a state of full blown mortosis.
"I grabbed the first thing I could find. It was a spray paint can. I sprayed him in the eyes. He couldn't see me then. So I started throwing things at him. Old cans, a box of screws, some tools. But it didn't stop him. He still couldn't see me though. So I grabbed a shovel I use in the garden. I lifted it with all my strength and jabbed his knee cap with it. I heard it pop. It was a terrible sound."
"He fell to the barn floor. Then he looked up and I jabbed him again. This time right in the teeth. He got hold of my coat though and tried to pull me down. I knew if I fell I'd had it. So I kept hitting him on the head with the shovel. He tried to bite me but his teeth were all broken so he couldn't get through my big coat."
"I was so tired and only had a couple of hits left in me. But he lowered his head and tried gnawing at my shoe. This is when I put the shovel over his neck, put my other foot on it and used all my weight left and pushed down. It didn't chop his head off but it did snap his neck."
It was at this point that Joyce was able to stagger out and call the police. They arrived quickly and found the reanimate still in the barn, unable to move.
Sergeant Stanmer who was on the scene that night said "Joyce is one of the bravest women I have even seen. It is truly remarkable that she was able to do what she did. It was also very traumatic for her I'm sure"
The reanimate has remained unidentified at this point.
I honor of her bravery, the local police have donated a specially trained age assistance dog to Mrs. Redditch. She has named it 'Lucky.
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