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If you suspect anyone of showing sympoms of the 'Necro- Mortosis' Virus, the Government has released the following anonymous tip line.
1 800 155 3219


The USA is NOT infected
Despite many internet rumors, the Northern United States is not infected. The few areas of infestation are in maintained quarantine. It is important to remember, borders have not been breached. Communities have not been infected.

Whatever happened to 'The Undertakers'? Posted: Apr. 23rd. 12
Infected woman attacks Texas teens Posted: Jan. 8th. 12
Teen sells Mothers head on ebay Posted: Sept. 24th. 11
Obama delivers good news on national security Posted: June 23rd. 11
Quarantine facility protests. Posted: Dec. 18th. 10
Halloween ban 2010. Posted: Oct. 10th. 10
Real life zombie attack leads to tribute video. Posted: Aug. 24st. 10
Zombie hunting license challenged. Posted: Aug. 21st. 10
Passenger reanimates during flight. Posted: June. 15th. 10
Zombie Hunters to require license after July. Posted: Mar. 22nd. 10
Texas Nurse Dies From Hospital Attack Posted: Feb. 15th. 10
Texas Hospital Attack Posted: Feb. 14th. 10
One week with BOPE (Elite undead unit) Posted: Feb. 6th. 10
Brazilian 'Floaters' - A growing menace Posted: Jan. 23th. 10
Texas Crash Closes Interstate Posted: Jan. 16th. 10
Newark Terminal lockdown Posted: Jan. 3rd. 10
Canada M-Bomb link Posted: Dec. 12th. 09
Eyewitness report from office massacre Posted: Nov. 29th. 09
Canadian office massacre Posted: Nov. 28th. 09
New outbreak in Canada Posted: Nov. 27th. 09
Cremation Bill Stalls Posted: Nov. 15th. 09
Halloween ban lifted Posted: Oct. 17th. 09
Las Vegas Taped Attack?
Posted: Aug. 22nd. 09
Cornfield discovery
Posted: May 7th. 09
Headless Bodies in Mexico'
Posted: May 4th, 09
Woody Harrelson attacks 'Zombie'
Posted: Apr 12th, 09
Memphis Incident Posted: Apr 12th, 09
Juarez strain Posted: Mar 5th, 09
Gag order lifted
Posted: Mar 5th, 09
Blagojevich calls for food testing Posted: Dec14th, 08
New York subway given all clear Posted: July 12th, 08
Farm busted using undead labor Posted: May 24th, 08
Funding cut in major US cities Posted: Mar 29th 2008
Mystery surrounds massacre Posted: Mar 3, 2008
Alaskan ice station massacre- Posted: Mar 2, 2008
'Right to rise' Protest disrupts GOP debate - Posted: Jan. 29th, 2008
Double murder tragedy on Halloween - Posted: Nov. 3rd, 2007
Bizarre Halloween attack leaves one man in hospital - Posted: Nov. 3rd, 2007
Possible 'Floater' found in N.C. - Posted: Sept. 13th, 2007
ZWN offices attacked - Posted: Aug 11, 2007
The Undead Zone - Posted: July 23, 2007
Think Tank deems US vulnerable - Posted July 15, 2007
'Body Farm' banned in Brazil - Posted June 27, 2007
Vigilantes sought in Arizona massacre - Posted: June 17, 2007
Fireworks on Capitol Hill - Posted: June 12, 2007
Chierbeck gets probation - Posted: June 7, 2007
"Cover-up" in Congress - allegations arise - Posted: May, 28, 2007
Controversial bill requires mortosis testing - Posted: May, 26, 2007
Murder/suicide linked to food scare - Posted: May, 22, 2007
Floating corpse off Miami beach - Posted: May, 17, 2007
Tainted baby food stocks tumble - Posted: May, 15, 2007
'Mortosis' tainted baby food - Posted: May, 14, 2007
Second spate of mortuary attacks - Posted: May, 9, 2007
Scare in Washington, D.C. - Posted: April, 2007
Canadian cover-up - Posted: March, 2007
Mortuary attacks in South - Posted: January, 2007


Cuban Crisis July 13, 2007
Cuba in Chaos July 15, 2007
US Fleet protects Florida July 20, 2007
Blockade broken July 28, 2007
Cuban Exodus July 29, 2007
Tempers flair at UN July 31, 2007
Canadian PM in political flap
July 31, 2007
'Zombie barges' sunk Aug 13, 2007
Submarine escape/mass arrests Aug 16, 2007
Anxiety in Cuba Aug 19, 2007

Trawlers find undead catch Aug, 26th, 2007
Beaches closed Sept, 7th, 2007
Undead boat reaches Miami Sept, 11th, 2007
Undead female discovered Sept, 15th, 2007
Miami undead female identified Sept, 18th, 2007
5 more Miami dead discovered Sept, 21st, 2007
National Guard enter Miami Sept, 23rd, 2007
Total lockdown for Miami Sept, 26th, 2007
Outbreak spreads to State Park Sept, 29th, 2007
Return to Miami Oct 2nd, 2007
Miami struggles to contain outbreak Oct, 6th, 2007
Three More East Coast States to Ban Halloween Oct, 13th, 2007
Drug Gangs Shoot Through Roadblock! Oct, 17th, 2007
Armed Gang Found In 'Fortress Style' City Mall
Oct, 22nd, 2007
Mayor attacked on live TV
Nov. 12, 2007
Shooting and violence erupt Nov 17, 2007
Hospital Massacre
Nov. 19, 2007
All quiet in Miami
Dec. 2nd, 2007
Miami quarantine lifted Dec. 18th, 2007
Missing Arizona hunters - bodies found
Body tests positive for necro-mortosis
Last photo's provide clues to missing hunters
Arizona mine entered - three re-killed
'Cave zombie' identified
Arizona quarantine lifted
Arizona 'Cave zombie' mystery to be solved?
'Cave zombie' mother in plea deal
'Cave Zombie' Mystery solved
Zombie farm discovered
Zombie farm owner flees to Columbia
Two undead escape
Undead captured -Re killed
Zombie rage in Philadelphia
The dead walk in Philadelphia
Philadelphia hoax
Philadelphia - Least prepared city

Dock Workers Demand Protection From Undead
New Jersey Dock Worker Infected
City Wide Search For 'N.J.' Zombie
New Jersey Under Lock down
Panic Buying In Newark
'New Jersey Zombie 'Captured
City Awaits DNA Results
DNA All Clear

Whatever happened to
'The Undertakers'?

Posted April 23rd. 2012.
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Once hailed by the Bush administration as the 'soldiers of the future" and "Americas ultimate defense against any undead outbreak on US soil." The elite force of highly trained and tech equipped soldiers seem to have almost vanished from the public eye.

ZWN decided to find out exactly what happened to the mysterious soldiers once known as 'The Undertakers'"

Miami 2007
First we have to revisit the Miami outbreak of 2007. As the devastating 4 month outbreak of necro-mortosis was winding down. The incumbent administration of George W. Bush announced operation "Rest in Peace."

This was a clean sweep operation with the goal of searching every possible hiding place or unsecured area of Miami. Homes, businesses, wooded areas, parks and sewers. The task was mammoth. But the administration had recently declassified their newest weapon. 'The Undertakers." Or 'UDR' (Undead Defence Regiment).'

This elite unit was armed with specially fabricated Kevlar body armor designed to protect the soldier's extremities and body mass from any Undead attack. In addition to the soldier's armor, they were equipped "with a full compliment of traditional and non traditional weaponry. Along with the standard issue M-16, a combat rifle and 9mm. sidearm, the Undertaker carries an array of blunt force weapons for use in close quarters combat with the Undead, particularly in situations where firearms could endanger the lives of civilians." So said the carefully orchestrated press reveal.

Sonic transmitter
But the most unique facet to this brigades arsenal was the addition of a non-lethal 'sonic emitter'. This device used sound waves transmitted from a small speaker, mounted to the soldier's back. These sound waves, emitted at high frequencies, would cause an instant reaction to all living people within a 50'-75' radius. While these sound waves would cause no permanent damage, they would generate enough discomfort to force people without ear protection to cover their ears, and in many cases fall to the ground in 'discomfort.' Since high frequency sound does not effect the Undead, the use of this valuable tool would theoretically make identifying reanimates in crowd situations much easier.



Problems and P.R. disasters

At least that was the theory. The first signs of public unease with the UDR came only two days after 'The Undertakers' public introduction. This was in the form of many vocal protests in Miami. People were never really comfortable with the idea that these intimidating forces could just enter, and in many cases break, into anyone's home. Day or night. No search warrant needed, under the notion that an undead could be on the premises.

Accusations flew as to the real motivation behind such a gesture of force being used in the last remaining months before election year. Political foes of the Bush administration made hay of this, likening it to his now infamous photo op on a US aircraft carrier in front of the huge banner proclaiming "Mission Accomplished." Was it his way of redeeming himself after Hurricane Katrina?

However, as with many initial protests, the rhetoric eventually died down. At least that is, until a string of PR disasters followed in the upcoming months.

Sonic troubles
The much touted 'Sonic emitter' proved to be considerably less than anticipated. On it's first usage in the final days of the Miami quarantine, a woman was shot and killed because she failed to respond to the emitters usage. As all around her covered their ears and fled, she just stood watching and wondering what was happening. She was gunned down and died instantly. It was later revealed that she was deaf. And it was recorded on live television.

Another equally disastrous incident saw several members of the UDR's own defense force crippled by the sonic emitter' when their ear protectors failed to work. Because they were in such close proximity of the ear piercing sounds, they all suffered permanent damage to their hearing. One member, having collapsed to the floor in agony, was set upon by the zombie hoard they were rekilling and was savaged and killed.

Unfortunately, the worse was yet to come. Again the 'sonic emitter' proved to be a liability rather than asset. In San Francisco, 2009 , a little reported incident left 9 people dead when a zombie infestation was reported late in the evening of November 5th. A UDR unit, stationed in the area as part of a training exercise, responded to the call. The sonic emitter' was used, but instead of clearing the area or identifying the reanimates. It simply caused mass panic. A large swell of people fleeing the building, upon hearing the sound, dropped and stumbled on the stair well, causing a crush of panicked residents.

Many were unable to get up and the reanimates responded by massacring 9 civilians.

Malfunction
In a closed door investigation held several months later, a trusted ZWN insider source reported that the conclusion of the investigation was that a faulty emitter was to blame. "Rather than emitting short, sharp blasts of this very high frequency, as it's intended to do, it malfunctioned. It stuck on full emittance for several minutes. It became unbearable"

The unnamed source continued " So anyone trying to escape had no chance. It did the opposite it was intended to do."

Off the radar
However bad the sonic emitters were, they could not be the sole reason for The Undertakers vanishing completely from the radar. Surely they could have continued with better training and equipment? So where are they? Admittedly, there have been very few outbreaks on US soil, but why don't we hear of them in when there are?

The full answer is somewhat uninspiring.

With the advent of the Obama administration and the oncoming recession of 2009, the White House quietly introduced a bill dovetailed onto an innocuous farming tax levy bill that effectively reduced spending for this troubled defense force. It was supported along party lines.

Along with the much touted high tech weaponry, many additional cuts left the once elite fighting force little better than a highly trained home guard. And as with any high profile entity that has a bad PR problem, they also changed their name. The new force is now called 'Special Reanimate Neutralization Force' or 'Neutralizers' for short.'

So, to answer the opening question of this report "whatever happened to 'The Undertakers'? The answer is simply that they never really went away. They were ultimately a victim of bureaucracy. A high concept piece of propaganda. Marginalizes and under funded. Hardly an heroic end. On the brighter side, we believe The Undertakers action figures still sell relatively well.

 


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