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If you suspect anyone of showing sympoms of the 'Necro- Mortosis' Virus, the Government has released the following anonymous tip line.
1 800 155 3219
ZWN decided to find out exactly what happened to the mysterious soldiers once known as 'The Undertakers'"
This elite unit was armed with specially fabricated Kevlar body armor designed to protect the soldier's extremities and body mass from any Undead attack. In addition to the soldier's armor, they were equipped "with a full compliment of traditional and non traditional weaponry. Along with the standard issue M-16, a combat rifle and 9mm. sidearm, the Undertaker carries an array of blunt force weapons for use in close quarters combat with the Undead, particularly in situations where firearms could endanger the lives of civilians." So said the carefully orchestrated press reveal.
However, as with many initial protests, the rhetoric eventually died down. At least that is, until a string of PR disasters followed in the upcoming months.
Another equally disastrous incident saw several members of the UDR's own defense force crippled by the sonic emitter' when their ear protectors failed to work. Because they were in such close proximity of the ear piercing sounds, they all suffered permanent damage to their hearing. One member, having collapsed to the floor in agony, was set upon by the zombie hoard they were rekilling and was savaged and killed.
Unfortunately, the worse was yet to come. Again the 'sonic emitter' proved to be a liability rather than asset. In San Francisco, 2009 , a little reported incident left 9 people dead when a zombie infestation was reported late in the evening of November 5th. A UDR unit, stationed in the area as part of a training exercise, responded to the call. The sonic emitter' was used, but instead of clearing the area or identifying the reanimates. It simply caused mass panic. A large swell of people fleeing the building, upon hearing the sound, dropped and stumbled on the stair well, causing a crush of panicked residents.
Many were unable to get up and the reanimates responded by massacring 9 civilians.
The unnamed source continued " So anyone trying to escape had no chance. It did the opposite it was intended to do."
Off the radar
The full answer is somewhat uninspiring.
With the advent of the Obama administration and the oncoming recession of 2009, the White House quietly introduced a bill dovetailed onto an innocuous farming tax levy bill that effectively reduced spending for this troubled defense force. It was supported along party lines.
Along with the much touted high tech weaponry, many additional cuts left the once elite fighting force little better than a highly trained home guard. And as with any high profile entity that has a bad PR problem, they also changed their name. The new force is now called 'Special Reanimate Neutralization Force' or 'Neutralizers' for short.'
So, to answer the opening question of this report "whatever happened to 'The Undertakers'? The answer is simply that they never really went away. They were ultimately a victim of bureaucracy. A high concept piece of propaganda. Marginalizes and under funded. Hardly an heroic end. On the brighter side, we believe The Undertakers action figures still sell relatively well.
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