Miami City officials have no comment regarding an incident involving Miami Mayor Cory Schlader after being attacked by Reanimates last night during a live interview on the popular syndicated television program “The Undead Zone.”
Controversial “Undead Zone” host, and former “Australian Undead News” anchor, Scot Chierbeck was conducting a live interview via satellite with Schlader from the Oleta State Recreation Area in North Miami. Schlader was commenting on the recent drop in Undead attacks, sightings, and violent incidents in the City as signs the Mortosis outbreak in the City was coming to an end, when he was interrupted by the “Undead Zone” security detail sighting three reanimates approaching the Mayor and news team from further down the beach.
The last on air words from Schlader were an apology to Chierbeck, “I’m sorry, Scot. But, my police escort is saying I must leave the area to allow clean up forces access to the area. These types of events are becoming more rare each day, and the next time I talk to you from this beach, it will be filled with swimmers and picnickers”. Gunshots were then heard, apparently fired by “Undead Zone” security detail opening fire on the approaching infected.
The last images received from the news team showed at least 4 more reanimates in the parking lot immediately adjacent to the beach area, blocking all access to the Mayor’s and news team’s vehicles. Police officers are heard shouting, “Go the other way,” and, as the camera turns with the Mayor, a male voice is heard screaming “Oh, Christ!” and the broadcast feed was lost.
No local, state, or federal authorities are releasing any details of the rescue operation other than a brief statement from the Florida Highway Patrol that, “Multiple Undead persons were eliminated at the scene, and all civilians in the area have been placed in quarantine pending ‘Necro-Mortosis’ testing.”
Police have sealed off the Mayor’s residence from reporters, and calls placed to the home were not answered. The only comment from the Mayors office has been a short, carefully worded statement, acknowledging the incident and confirming that the Major is in fact unharmed and following standard necro-mortosis testing is "looking forward to resuming his elected role within the city."
“The Undead Zone” released a statement saying, “Our thanks go out to the brave members of our news team, the Mayor, and Miami police who were involved in this terrible attack, . We look forward to all their safe returns.”
Zombie World News Undead expert and zombie hunter, Captain “Hawk” Heath, agrees. “It looks like everybody involved cut a lot of corners here. First, the Mayor doesn't’t let anyone know where he is going to be. That’s just plain irresponsible during a crisis of this magnitude. I wonder if the tensions between him and the National Guard have anything to do with his decision. I mean, he is on record saying he thinks the Guard is being too heavy handed in their quarantine enforcement, and the Guard thinks he is in over his head, so its possible that they are not’t really communicating to each other effectively.
“Second, it looks like “The Undead Zone” has a bunch of inexperienced staff posing as Undead security for their news teams. I don’t know one reputable zombie hunter or expert who would give “The Zone” the time of day because Chierbeck’s reputation is so bad. And, from what I saw on TV last night, I would guess they are hiring complete amateurs.
“Rule one when you encounter the Undead, and I’ve said this a thousand times, but everyone ignores it, the best defense is stealth. Zombies can’t see, hear, or smell very well, and they are very slow. If you see one, keep quiet, and walk away from them, you are going to live. If you do something stupid and start shooting at them when your life is not in immediate danger without first scouting out the area and securing your position, like these “Zone” guys did, all you’re going to go is attract every zombie in the area right to you. That’s why the police were so upset, they know better.
“Third, why the Mayor’s police escort ever agreed to allow the Mayor to go to that interview in the first place is beyond me. They would have known the interview was live, and since “The Zone” is broadcast on the East Coast at 7:30 pm, they knew it would be dark. You don’t have to be a zombie expert to know that walking out on a beach in the dark in an Undead hot zone is a bad idea. The Mayor was probably the one who decided to do it, but sometimes, when you work security, the most important job skill is the ability to tell your boss ‘no.’”
find undead catch Aug,
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