– An official multi-agency report released today states there
“was no direct link” between Undead activity in Africa and
piracy off the coast of Somalia and other troubled regions. In an unusual
move, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, FBI Director Robert Mueller,
and CIA Deputy Director Stephen Kappes held a joint press conference
in the wake of growing public concern about piracy and recently confirmed
Undead reports in areas of Africa including Somalia. The report is the
result of a year-long study of the correlation, involving dozens of
top scientists, ambassadors, military experts and others. Interest in
the report in the U.S. grew recently in the wake of pirate attacks in
what we know, which is the cumulative study of troop movements, uprisings,
examination of bank records, public health records where available,
and other documents, the interviewing of key sources, we have yet to
find a direct link between the rise of piracy and the rise in the number
of incidents involving Undead in Africa,” Mueller added.
“This report is by no means the exhaustive, get-it-all-out-in-the-open research the American public is now expecting from its leaders, its government, and the scientific community,” said leading agitator for Undead defense William Pruitt, the head of the Congressional lobbying arm of Americans For Undead Truth. “It’s only 70 pages of them saying “nothing to see here folks.”
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